I'm reading these things online, how to get over a break-up, and so many of them suggest getting rid of "mementos."
Should I throw away the corsage from my first prom? Should I get rid of my favorite books that are his favorite books, too? Delete all of the Bob Dylan music on my computer because he's the one who gave it to me?
He says I need to figure out who I am, as if he knows who he is. I feel weird typing this because there's a chance he might still read it. I know I'm more than old, dried up flowers and the books in my bookshelf, my iTunes music. Rationally, I know that.
But being rid of all of that makes me feel like I'm not a person. I don't understand how this isn't happening to him. I guess it was a long time ago he took down the pictures I drew for him and put away the poetry we read to each other, once. He stopped wearing the shoes I bought for him and was going to throw away the sweater I gave him even before all of this happened.
But I can't even look in the mirror and be "just me." My eyes remind me of his eyes. My mouth of his mouth.
I'm a ghost, now.
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You're not a ghost. You're suddenly very, vibrantly real. :)
ReplyDeleteSince when are modernday hipsters counterculture ? That's hilarious !
ReplyDeleteHey Emily. Ug. I feel a little weird using your blog to do this, but I don't have your email address, so this seemed like the next best place.
ReplyDeleteI want to apologize for sounding so snarky about the 'Tibet Sticker' @reply I sent you on SoulPancake. I realized just a few moments after I sent it that it was a pretty bitchy thing to say. And it's been bugging me for the past two days.
When I wrote it, I honestly wasn't thinking about it 'that' way, tho--just running thru the set of those stickers I encounter...and tho I did come up with a few like you mentioned, that one I cited really was the first one that popped into my head (and I kept going back to that one). So...I'm sorry if you felt bad about saying what you did (because of what I said)...I know I can be inadvertently hurtful by blurting out my inane anecdotes like that.
So...just wanted you to know that I've always liked reading your SP posts when I come across them, and think you're amazingly thoughtful and intelligent person.
-April